The Five Times I Loved You
by DarthAbby
Summary: James and Severus aren't the only one who loved Lily. Based on 'Alone  on Valentines Day' by the Remus Lupins. A story told in missed oppertunites. NOT a songfic. Oneshot. T for mild language.


**Just a short little story inspired by 'Alone on Valentine's Day' by The Remus Lupins and an N.C.I.S story on my favorites list. It's 'The First Time' by Eienvine. If you are an N.C.I.S fan, go check it out. It's really, really good, and the only McGiva story I've read that seems remotely plausible! Hope you like my little story!**

**Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.**

**000**

_The First Time, Fifth Year_

It was quiet in the common room, only the scratching of quills and the rustling of pages breaking the silence. The only people present were fifth and seventh years, all studying for their O.W.L's or N.E.W.T's. The first, second, third, fourth, and sixth years had all gone to bed by now.

Eventually, the rest of Gryffindor Tower's residents trickled up to their dorms as well, leaving only two fifth year students by the fire. Remus Lupin paused for a moment and looked up from the Potions textbook to rest his tired eyes. He absently noticed how pretty Lily Evan's hair looked in the firelight, the orange light shining on her copper strands. She was too intent on her Herbology paper to notice his gaze, though.

After a few minutes, Lily closed her eyes and leaned back, rubbing her temples. Opening her eyes, she noticed Remus looking at her and gave him a tired smile.

"Long day." Remus commented after a moment.

"Long _week_." Lily corrected him with another small smile. The teachers had all started doing reviews in class and setting mountains of homework in preparation for their upcoming Ordinary Wizarding Levels. Remus nodded in silent agreement. They continued working silently for a few moments, before Remus got stuck. _Really_ stuck. Potions weren't his strong point in the first place, and this essay was tricky.

"Hey, Lily?" he asked quietly, not wanting to disturb her concentration but needing the help of the best Potions student in school.

"Yeah?" she said after finishing one last sentence on Herbology.

"Can you help me with this Potions essay? I'm kind of stuck." He felt a little bad tearing her away from her own work, but he needed to get this paper done. Besides, he could probably offer his help on something she needed it with.

"Sure, Remus." She got up and moved over towards him. He moved over so that she could sit on his chair, too, and not have to drag one over. She sat down on her half and started reading what he had so far.

She was only a few sentences in when Remus suddenly realized his close proximity to one of the cutest and smartest girls at Hogwarts. He had rarely been this close to a girl besides moving through crowded corridors. He noticed how small a space was between them, how easy it would be to lean forward and touch his lips to hers-

_Stop it!_ he scolded himself, _James has had a crush on Lily since first year!_

_But Lily hates James,_ A sly voice hissed in his head, _you're__ the only Marauder she talks to willingly._

_That doesn't matter!_ he yelled internally, _James loves Lily like nothing else! I don't want to cause James any heartbreak!_

Before his inner argument could continue, Lily finished reading. As she started explaining something about wormwood and dead spiders, Remus tried, and failed, to not notice her utter perfection.

000

_The Second Time, Fifth Year_

"Hey, Lily! Do you want to-"

"No, Potter. As always, no." Lily snapped for the thousandth and two time as James walked past her in the common room. And for the thousandth and two time, James tried to not look hurt and failed epically at it.

"She'll come around eventually, Prongs." Sirius murmured as the muddy and rejected Chaser sat down with his friends.

"James…" Remus sighed as he noticed the muddy footprints all around them. _"Tergeo._" He muttered, waving his wand, and the mud disappeared.

"Sure, that sounds great. I'll meet you in the Great Hall tomorrow before going to Hogsmeade, then?" Remus looked up as Lily's voice sounded again. She was smiling at Kenneth Wood, a good-looking seventh year and Captain and Keeper of the Quidditch team. Wood nodded and said something quietly to Lily, making her laugh.

"Looks like Lily prefers someone who can Keep 'em over someone who can Chase 'em, Potter." Wood chuckled as he passed the Marauders. Sirius and Remus had to physically hold James down as Wood went up the stairs to the dormitories.

"Let – me – go –," James grunted as he tried to twist away from his friends. "I – want – to – punch – his – face – in."

"James, that would accomplish nothing besides getting kicked off the team and probably a few detentions." Remus sighed, though he desperately wanted to let James go, wanted to make Wood hurt as much as he hurt, wanted to kiss Lily-

_Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop right there, Lupin!_ he told himself firmly, _Lily doesn't like you like that. She currently likes Wood, and will eventually like James. No room for you in there._

Still, the feeling persisted all evening, and turned into strange dreams where the upcoming full moon made Lily declare her undying love for him.

000

_The Third Time, Sixth Year_

"Good evening, Mr. Moony. Please, come in, take a seat."

Remus frowned. James was only this mock-formal when he and Sirius were planning something big. Something big that usually involved the Marauder's Map, dungbombs, fireworks, and some tricky wand work.

"Why, Mr. Moony, don't be rude. I do believe Mr. Prongs invited you to come in and sit." Sirius grinned from his relaxed position on his four-poster bed. Remus slowly made his way over to his own bed.

"Good, we're all here now." James rubbed his hands together excitedly as the last Marauder took a wary seat. "Mr. Padfoot, how about you begin. This was your idea after all."

"It would be my pleasure, Mr. Prongs." Sirius smiled again and straightened up. "Messers Moony and Wormtail, I come before you this evening with the greatest prank we've ever come up with." He paused for effect.

"Well?" Peter asked after a few moments of tense silence.

"Gentlemen, we are going to prank the future."

There was dead silence in the dormitory as Remus and Peter absorbed their friend's words.

"Sirius," Remus finally sighed, "Did some girl slip you a bad love potion again?"

"Nope." He responded cheerfully. "I've been extra careful accepting food and drink ever since the last time."

"Well," Remus said, sarcasm dripping from his voice, "At least it only took you four times ending up in the Hospital Wing with a random girl's name on your lips to realize it."

"I can't help it, I'm gorgeous." Sirius smirked as the other boys rolled their eyes.

"Fine, I'll bite." Remus grumbled after another few minutes of quiet. "How're we supposed to prank the future?"

James grinned evilly. "This is where the fun part starts."

000

"Bloody hell!"

Remus winced as he heard the shriek in the otherwise deserted corridors. He knew that voice, especially when it was yelling.

"Lily? Are you alright?" he asked hurrying up the last few stairways to where he knew she must be.

"Do I look 'all right'? I'm stuck in the bloody stair!" Lily's voice was a piercingly two octaves higher than usual, and sure enough, her leg was sunk up to the thigh in one of the steps Remus himself had jinxed.

Remus winced at her voice; it was sharp and somewhat painful on his sensitive ears. She seemed to notice and toned it down a bit.

"Could you _please_ get me out, Remus?" It was still an octave higher than usual, but it was better than before. Remus moved closer.

"I'm going to have to lift you out." He smiled apologetically before sliding his hands under her arms and gently pulling her out. "Better?"

"Loads, thanks." She grinned at him and raised an eyebrow. "Am I correct in assuming that you had something to do with this?"

Remus smiled back playfully. "Oh, you know me, Lily. I never kiss and tell."

He instantly regretted the choice of words as her eyebrows shot up to her hair. "I, er, I mean, um…" he stumbled for the right words as he felt his cheeks grow hot with a blush.

She laughed, tossing her head back slightly. "Don't worry, Remus. I've heard that saying used in much worse situations." He laughed weakly with her, half-relieved that she hadn't caught the double meaning in his words, and half-disappointed that she had missed the hidden invitation.

"Well, I'd better get going. I have an essay to finish for McGonagall. See you around." Lily gave him a friendly smile before continuing up to the library. That had been where Remus was going, too, but he turned and headed towards the Gryffindor common room instead, trying to sort out the confusing thoughts of Lily Evans swirling around his head.

000

_The Fourth Time, Seventh Year_

"Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!" James cried as he thundered up the stairs to the seventh year dorm.

"What, what, what, what, what?" Sirius asked mockingly as James skidded into the room.

James strode into the center of their dorm, puffed out his chest, and declared; "I've got a date with Lily Evans!"

Dead silence.

"Good one, James," Remus suddenly laughed.

"Yeah, almost had me going there for a minute." Sirius chuckled.

"I think he's telling the truth," Peter said, catching the hurt look in James's eye as he watched his two friends laugh.

"Alright, James," Remus said, still smiling, "in all honesty, did you succeed in asking Lily out on a date?"

"Yes!"

"You're serious?" Peter double-checked.

"We've been over this, Wormtail," Sirius grinned mischievously, "_I'm_ Sirius and _he's_ James." He laughed as the other three groaned at the horrible joke that had gotten old during the first week of their first year.

"Padfoot?" James asked sweetly.

"Yes, Prongs?"

"_Silencio!"_

Sirius glared daggers at James as he moved his mouth furiously, but they were unable to hear the insults he was throwing at his friend.

"To answer your question, Peter, I am very much serious and very, _very_ excited!" James seemed to be over the moon as he smiled so wide his face looked cut in two.

There was quiet for a few minutes. Remus's heart was somewhere around his knees. James had finally gotten Lily. The werewolf had no chance, now.

_Not that I was ever looking for a chance,_ he told himself hastily, _I've always known that I'll be alone. What woman would have me, knowing my condition?_ Looking for a distraction, he was relieved to find he was one book short.

"I left my Transfiguration book in the library," he informed the other Marauders, "I'll be back soon."

"Okay, Moony." James said airily, obviously lost in a daydream about his 'lovely Lily'. The other two waved vaguely, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Nice to know you care." He muttered before exiting the dormitory and leaving Gryffindor Tower.

Upon entering the library, however, he found the distraction he was trying to avoid.

_Lily_

She was sitting at a back table, the same table; Remus noticed as his heart began to pound, that he had sat at earlier. And sure enough, there was the book, lying under the chair he had been using.

He moved closer and bent down to retrieve the book, hoping that she wouldn't notice him.

"Remus?"

_Damn! _"Hey, Lily," he said as casually as he could manage, straightening up to look at her, "Sorry, I was trying not to disturb you."

"That's okay," she smiled in that way that always made his heart melt, "I need a break, anyways. Do you want to sit?" She gestured to the chair he stood next to.

"Sure," he said, hoping against all hope he wasn't blushing or anything similar, and sat down.

"Where you looking for something?" Lily asked after a moment's pause. Something about her tone suggested she was looking for a particular answer.

"Yeah, I left my Transfiguration book here earlier, but I found it now." He held up the textbook and saw an emotion he couldn't quite identify flicker through her beautiful, bright green eyes for a moment. What was it? Relief? Confusion? Sorrow? …Longing?

_Now you're just being ridiculous, Lupin,_ he scolded himself, _why would Lily look at you with __longing__? It doesn't make any sense! She obviously likes James now._

"Well, it's good you found it. McGonagall wouldn't be too pleased if it was lost." Lily said evenly.

"Yeah." They sat quietly for a few more minutes before Remus unexpectedly jumped up. Lily stood too, that unknown emotion flashing through her eyes again.

"I – I probably better get going." Remus tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"Oh, okay." Lily nodded and dropped back into her seat. Remus muttered a goodbye and left hurriedly.

000

_The Fifth Time, One Year After Graduation_

The music swelled as James led Lily onto the dance floor to thunderous applause. Remus couldn't help but smile. James and Lily Potter were just made for each other.

As other couples trickled onto the floor, a familiar face appeared in front of Remus.

"Brilliant, isn't it?" Sirius grinned, a glass of firewhiskey in one hand and a giggling brunette hanging onto the other. "Gonna have your dance with the bride?"

"What?"

"Lily. Are you going to dance with her? It's some sort of Muggle tradition, apparently, all the men dance with the bride and all the ladies dance with the groom."

"Oh. Maybe." Remus replied before moving away. As entertaining as tipsy-Sirius could be, he wasn't interested in watching his friend make out with some strange giggly girl.

Remus watched from the sidelines as Lily and James swirled among different partners, laughing and talking and coming back to dance together after two or three different people had their turns. Their love was almost tangible, it seemed to fill the air and made everything seem sharper, more real, and made everyone seem happier. It was a grand feeling, amidst all the sorrow and devastation that filled the outside world.

The party was winding down when Lily spotted Remus standing over in the corner, watching but not interacting. She excused herself from her latest dance partner, one of the Prewett twins, Fabian, and headed towards her old friend.

"You don't look like your having much fun, Remus." The smile he returned was weary.

"Just tired, is all."

"You're being a wet blanket! Come on, dance with me!"

"No, no, I –" But before he could finish his protests, she had pulled him onto the dance floor as the music slowed. He automatically placed his hands on her waist as she put hers on his shoulders, revolving slowly on the spot. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed James dancing similarly with one of Lily's friends, Marlene McKinnon.

"Remus, I just want to say thank you," Lily smiled as she gazed up at him, "for helping James keep somewhat of a level head, and for tamping down some of his more crazy ideas."

"I take it he told you I made him tone down his plan for proposing to you?"

"Yes," Lily laughed lightly, "and I must thank you again. Transfiguring the ring box into a lion cub that would spit the ring into my hand is definitely a scary thought. As much as I love James, using wild animals is never a good idea."

They danced quietly for a few minutes, as a sudden rush of emotions Remus thought he had gotten rid of a long time ago welled up in him again as he danced with a wedding dress-clad Lily.

_She's James's wife now!_

_She's still so wonderful, though…_

_She's married to your best mate!_

_But, her eyes, her smile, her laugh…_

_She. Is. Married!_

_Lily's never really been one for commitment…_

_I will say this one last time. She. Is. MARRIED! James's wife!_

_But…_

_SHUT UP!_

Lily seemed unaware of the internal battle raging within Remus, lost in her own thoughts, most likely.

The music ended, and Lily, completely throwing Remus for a loop, stretched up on tip-toes to give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Just for the record," she whispered, "I always liked the pranks you thought up the most."

She pulled away, leaving a confused but happy Remus Lupin standing near the edge of the dance floor.


End file.
